Is There an Ideal Personality to Look for When Choosing a Spouse

According to personality trait theory, people fall into the five categories of personality: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness and Neuroticism. But can this “Big Five” model predict satisfaction in romantic relationships?

 

Many couples who seek therapy or attend a couples workshop in Chicago often discuss how their personalities clash and wonder if they can change their own (or their spouses’) negative traits.

 

And that makes you wonder: Which of the Big Five personalities would make for the best kind of spouse?

 

The researchers have studied marriages to find that answer. Before diving into the data, let’s look at the five-factor model.

 

The Big Five

 

The Big Five personality traits are derived from a model developed in the 1980s by several independent sets of social and personality psychologists. The traits are often referred to by the acronym OCEAN.

 

Each of the categories consists of continuum between opposites, meaning a person will fall between “high” or “low” of that trait.

 

1. Openness

 

Openness denotes receptivity to new ideas and experiences. People who are high in this trait are imaginative and insightful. They are curious, adventurous and eager to try new things. High scorers like sharing with others and are more likely to be intellectually humble.

 

Those with low Openness resist new ideas and change.

 

2. Conscientiousness

 

Conscientiousness implies self-discipline, a sense of duty and diligence, and striving for achievement beyond what is expected. High scorers in Conscientiousness are able to control and regulate impulses, and they like having a set schedule. They may be perceived as stubborn and focused.

 

Low scorers are associated with flexibility and spontaneity, but also sloppiness and unreliableness. They dislike structure.

 

3. Extraversion

 

This personality trait scale implies how outgoing and social the person is. Extroverted people are the life of the party and make new friends easily. They enjoy group work, but may not be able to get an individual task done. High scorers are energized by being around other people and in social situations. They are good at making romantic relationships and skilled at handling them. They also tend to put their foot in their mouths because they will say things before thinking.

 

Low scorers prefer solitude. They may not necessarily be unfriendly, but they are reserved in social situations. They think carefully before speaking or acting.

 

4. Agreeableness

 

People who score high on the Agreeableness trait value social harmony. They are considerate, emphatic, kind, generous, trusting and trustworthy, helpful, and willing to compromise. They take an interest in others and want to contribute to the happiness of others. Sometimes, they are perceived as being agreeable to a fault.

 

Low scorers may be perceived as manipulative and suspicious. They tend to think the worst in others. They may be skeptical and competitive.

 

5. Neuroticism

 

Neuroticism is characterized by sadness, anxiety, moodiness, depression, hostility and self-doubt. They worry about things and get upset easily. They struggle to bounce back. Their negative emotional reactions make them prone to not think clearly or make decisions. High Neuroticism often have low self-esteem and are generally dissatisfied with their romantic life.  

 

Low Neuroticism people are emotionally stable and are able to cope with stress.

 

The Research

 

As expected, Neuroticism is the strongest predictor of a person’s romantic life.

 

Terri Fisher at Ohio State University and James McNulty of Florida State University in 2008 found that high Neuroticism in one of both partners predicted lower levels of satisfaction in relationships.

 

Furthermore, these couples’ sex life, including sexual arousal and satisfaction, was undermined by the high neuroticism.

 

Another study published by Lowell Kelly and James Connelly at the University of Michigan in 1987 followed 300 married couples for 30 years. They found that neuroticism predicted unhappy marriages, divorce and poor resiliency post-divorce.

 

So, what makes for a good life partner? The studies uniformly show high Conscientiousness as the winner. Agreeableness was also a factor in long, stable marriages. These traits represent low impulsivity and high trust.

 

Low Conscientiousness and low Agreeableness — not a good combination for a mate. They predict infidelity, and involvement in casual sex and unprotected sex.

 

Extraversion was a mix-bag. High Extroverts tended to be happy and charismatic, but their adventurous spirit made them more prone to extra-marital affairs.

 

In 2008, researcher David Schmidt studied more than 13,000 people in 46 countries. High Extraversion was found to be “positively correlated with interest in short-term mating, unrestricted socio-sexuality, having engaged in short-term mate poaching attempts, having succumbed to short-term poaching attempts of others.”

 

Openness seems to not play a significant role on relationship stability.

 

Australian research John Malouff in 2010 found that four of the five traits were relevant. “Low Neuroticism, high conscientiousness, high agreeableness and high extraversion predicted higher levels of relationship satisfaction,” wrote Noam Shpancer, Ph.D. in a Psychology Today article.

 

Other studies support the conclusions that couples high in Conscientiousness and Agreeableness are more satisfied with their marital life. High Conscientiousness includes high levels of thoughtfulness and mindfulness. High Agreeableness indicate altruism and cooperation.

 

These attributes enable couples to successfully de-escalate fights and problem-solve, work toward common goals, and maintain a healthy friendship throughout the ups and downs of life.

 

Can a Person Change?

 

Research shows that mental health treatment can help people to change the negative aspects of the Big Five traits.

 

Licensed, experienced counselors can help the patient get to the heart of an underlying condition. The goal of intervention and treatment is to help people get to their best self.

 

While a person’s personality traits are genetically determined, other factors play into who we are. Experiences, situational and educational factors affect the makeup of our personality. A couples workshop in Chicago has been successful in helping couples gain the knowledge and tools they need to understand their relationship and what it can become.

 

Self-awareness and free agency determine our true destiny.

 

Author Bio:

 

Sunny Skousen’s aim as a Professional Content Curator is to engage and influence her audience with thoughtful and research-based blogs. She specializes in writing about Couples Therapy, Family Therapy, Faith-Based Counseling, Anxiety Disorders, Mood Disorders, Grief/Loss and Trauma, and more!